Mein liebstes Engelchen,
Just a couple of minutes ago I found out I was pregnant with you
(the happiest and most terrifying couple of days of my life).
And only a few seconds ago we welcomed you into our lives.
My little alien, staring at us from the moment you were born.
So awake and alert. And smart.
You already knew everything; you were born to be my teacher.
When I met you I quickly learned
that I knew nothing.
Zero.
About life, about love, about magic.
About being a mother.
How wonderful it is. And hard.
About being oh so very vulnerable.
I was invincible before I had you, you know..
It is true what they say:
That you carry your heart outside of your body
when your child is born.
About fear. I have never felt fear the way I feel it now.
Fear of losing you,
fear of anyone hurting you,
fear of disappointing you.
The slightest sadness in you will break my heart in a million pieces.
Over and over again.
I knew nothing about being an important part of a functional family.
I knew what not to do and went from there.
With you by my side.
Guiding me.
Watching you and your magical personality unfold in front of me makes me so proud.
And even after days of utter annoyance and insanity
I still stare at you when you are finally asleep and I tear up.
What a privilege it is to be your mother!
What an honor it is to have you tell me that you love me,
that you choose me over anyone else when you need to snuggle.
My goals in life have changed.
I want you to be proud of me.
I want you to always know that I am here for you.
I want to be a great mother.
I want to thank you for being the most perfect first child any mother could ask for. Please stay as magical and amazing as you were from the moment you were born. And don't ever be afraid to come home with bad grades, purple hair or a rockstar wannabe boyfriend.
Mama will understand. <3
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