Just a little love story

  As I was waking up this morning, a child cuddled up to me, I had a thought in my head. What would I say if I was asked to tell something important about myself. I could go to the past and talk about my upbringing and how is shaped me. I could talk about my kids and what motherhood is like for me. Those experiences define me, but I would have to go to the base of everything to really express what I am about. And that base is love. It has always been about love for me. Finding love. And happiness.

  I found the love of my life, the person I would marry and have children with, when I was 21. Pretty young, right? Yes, it sounds young. But to me it felt like I had been looking for The One for a life time, which I had. I think it had been my life goal to find My One True Love since age 12. Yep. That's me. The hopeless romantic. I only had a couple of life goals at that age. I had no idea what I wanted to be, but I knew that I desperately needed to find love in my life.

  I didn't have a lot of role models when it came to happy relationships growing up. No one ever got divorced, but no one really seemed happy. No one seemed in love. There wasn't that much love anywhere if I really think about it. There was a lot of noise. And tears. Definitely not enough kissing. I always knew that that could not be what life was about.

  The question people have when they are looking for love is HOW do you really know? I have met my fair share of frogs along the way. Met some great guys, too. But you know when you know, you know? I know, it sounds like any other saying, but it is true when it comes to love. For me it was the feeling when we were together. It only took one kiss for me to know that I had arrived. That I had found him. Everything was so easy! I was myself! I was at peace! *sigh*

  The crazy thing about love is that it grows. It changes. It morphs from one form to another, constantly. What a beautiful journey! I guess you do get what you wish for, you just have to wish hard enough.

  So there you go: You read it. I guess you are a lover like me. And I hope you are surrounded by love and happiness every day of your life. You deserve it!

PS: There's also a LOT of mayhem in my life every day, but that is another story 😜


                           

Thanks for stopping by. Peace and Love, me 💕

Ode to Frida

Mein liebstes Engelchen,

Just a couple of minutes ago I found out I was pregnant with you 

(the happiest and most terrifying couple of days of my life). 

And only a few seconds ago we welcomed you into our lives. 

My little alien, staring at us from the moment you were born. 

So awake and alert. And smart. 

You already knew everything; you were born to be my teacher. 

When I met you I quickly learned 

that I knew nothing. 

Zero. 

About life, about love, about magic. 

About being a mother. 

How wonderful it is. And hard. 

About being oh so very vulnerable.

I was invincible before I had you, you know..

It is true what they say: 

That you carry your heart outside of your body 

when your child is born. 

About fear. I have never felt fear the way I feel it now. 

Fear of losing you, 

fear of anyone hurting you, 

fear of disappointing you. 

The slightest sadness in you will break my heart in a million pieces. 

Over and over again. 

I knew nothing about being an important part of a functional family. 

I knew what not to do and went from there. 

With you by my side. 

Guiding me.

Watching you and your magical personality unfold in front of me makes me so proud. 

And even after days of utter annoyance and insanity 

I still stare at you when you are finally asleep and I tear up. 

What a privilege it is to be your mother! 

What an honor it is to have you tell me that you love me, 

that you choose me over anyone else when you need to snuggle. 

My goals in life have changed. 

I want you to be proud of me. 

I want you to always know that I am here for you. 

I want to be a great mother. 

I want to thank you for being the most perfect first child any mother could ask for. Please stay as magical and amazing as you were from the moment you were born. And don't ever be afraid to come home with bad grades, purple hair or a rockstar wannabe boyfriend. 

Mama will understand. <3 

The Perfect Day

I have to tell you all about yesterday. It was the perfect day!

I am the first to admit that I have difficulty relaxing and really being truly happy when I have huge, new things ahead of me. In this case: Summer ending, Bill going back to school, Frida starting pre k. I usually wake up early with anxiety because my head just won't turn itself off. But yesterday was different!

Right after waking up I realized that yesterday was the day we got approved for our wonderful apartment 7 years ago! I remember that day like it was yesterday. So nervous. Scared. It is hard finding a place to live in NYC with no credit and no money. But we got the call around noon while wandering around 125th Street. That feeling. I felt it. Again. So that was the special "Today is our lucky day" feeling that I carried with me all day. No wonder!

So yes, we went to OUR place for probably the last time this summer: Coney Island.

Bill took these pics on the train and I adore them:

                                   
                                   
                                   

We don't go to CI for the rides. We go for the beach. But this time I decided I needed to go in the Wonder Wheel. Bill and Willa passed so it was just Frida and Mami. We chose one of those moving cabins (because I am clearly insane) and up we went. I had my phone in hand to take pictures when the stupid thing swing forward like WHOA! I almost dropped my phone and had a near death experience, I was TERRIFIED!!!!!! I grabbed Frida fearing for our lives and shrieked with fake delight so she didn't get scared. OMG. After the first shock wore off it actually became fun. Scary, but fun. Hilarious!! Frida loved it of course.
                                   
                                 
                                 

Then we set up camp at the beach, met some fellow Germans, dug a HUGE hole, jumped over waves, found seashells and almost caught a crab. Regular beach stuff. The water was PERFECTION!!!! Probably the best I have ever seen it. It was the day between the old moon and the new moon, that might have been why. It was't too hot out and windy, it was just absolute perfection.

                                    
                         
                                                

It's tradition that we get a bracelet from one of the ladies selling them at the beach. Bill picked one for me last week when we were there that I keep making fun of because it is so hideous (the green one with turtles (cute) and a teddy bear (ugly) ), so he got me a new one (blue with red, so pretty). I will proudly wear both of them now until they fall off (that's how it's done. We save the ones that fall off.).

                                            

A ride on our favorite carousel of course:

I should also mention that the day was perfect because we have amazing children. The best kids in the world. They did not nap and were so cute and fun at the beach. No tantrums. No tears (well, Willa is still Willa, so some tantrumy tears, but very minor. I mean, the child who loves her naps more than anything did not get to nap, so it was all understandable.). I am so proud of my kids <3. We even took them out to eat dinner at Wahlburgers (my first love's restaurant) and they were troopers. The food was delicious (amazing veggie burger, heavenly mac'n cheese and I think Bill liked his food, too :) ). And to top it off: Pictures of Donnie Wahlberg EVERYWHERE. Yummmmmy (There's a 13 year old trapped somewhere inside of me).

OMG, I actually had this poster over my bed. 

Willa fell asleep 2 seconds after we put her in the stroller while Frida happily munched on snacks. The trains were crowded. The people were sweet about our huge stroller blocking parts of the train. In rush hour. Thank you New Yorkers for not yelling at us. Instead we got chatted up by beautiful souls left and right. It's times like this when I really, truly love this city.

After the kids went to bed we utilized the powers of the New Moon to change our lives. Like this:

On the day of the New Moon (any time that works for you) make a list of all things new that you want to bring into your life. There is no right or wrong way to do this. My New Moon list has covered everything from new glasses to a new home to a new point of view. 

And that was our perfect day. I wished for many more like this. Thanks Universe <3

Big Trip

We are getting ready to go on our big trip: 5 weeks in Germany with our lovely family! We are pretty much packed, have 3 hours to spare until we have to leave and I am trying to calm myself down.

A trip like this is nerve racking. (You know, I think it should be spelled nerve wrecking, just by the way.) All the things you have to think of! People are staying in your apartment because they were supposed to sit your ancient cat... So it has to be clean and organized when you leave, on top of all the other mayhem going on. Lists have to be written, things prepared and explained...

Hoping there won't be any traffic on the way to the airport, hoping for short lines at check in, hoping for a smooth trip... Nerve wrecking!! I am a nervous person as it is, but the preparations for these long trips are too much for me. But: The trip will only be a short fraction of the amazing time we will be spending with everyone in Schoeningen. We are so looking forward to our family, the backyard and unlimited outside time, the tiny pool and tsunamis, beer, wine and Grillen, laughter, love, serenity. SO EXCITED!!! Excited to show off my children to everyone. Excited to relax. Get spoiled.  Great company.

Here are my favorite pictures from last year's fun:






So I will stop stressing now (I think I stopped the second I sat down with my coffee to take time to write this) and will just be excited. And happy. And calm.

Deutschland, bis gleich!! Wir freuen uns so auf Dich! Und auf euch, Noonie, Opa, Omi, Brudi, Nadine, Glen, Wookie, Leo und den Rest der Familie <3

8 years ago today we had the most magical wedding.

It was perfect! It was so "us". So Billantje. A wonderful day filled with family, friends, beer, delicious food, music, dancing, silliness (lots of that), laughter and good times. It was probably the silliest, most unusual wedding ever, especially by american standards. It did not cost a million dollars. I did not wear a white dress. It did not happen in a church. We did not invite thousands of people we hardly knew. We actually didn't "invite" anyone. We let people know when our wedding was going to be and people showed up. People who wanted to be there. Some lived close by, some far away. Some even flew in from other countries! Magical! 

The morning of the wedding my mom and I went to the weekly market to pick out my wedding bouquet. I picked out a bunch of wild flowers my grandfather would have loved to have him with me on my special day.

I got ready with my mom and my grandma in our apartment in Muenster while Bill got ready downstairs with some of our friends. The boys left before us and when we were ready to go meet them at city hall my mom surprised me with a bunch of red heart balloons to carry with me. LOVE was in the air :) It drizzled a bit but rain on your wedding day is considered good luck so no one cared. It was so exciting approaching the Standesamt and Bill waiting there for me all handsome in his grey tuxedo. I had not seen his outfit, nor had he seen mine, but my dress was grey and we matched! #magical My stepfather gave me away and we were ready to go get married!

The 3 musketeers together again <3 

Wild and free. Right before. 

                                         

The woman who married us read Khalil Gibran's "On Marriage" from the Prophet, a book I adore. We had no idea she would read this! #magical 

      You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore. 
      You shall be together when white wings of death scatter your days.  
      Aye, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.  
      But let there be spaces in your togetherness,  
      And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.  
      Love one another but make not a bond of love:  
      Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.  
      Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup.  
      Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.  
      Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,  
      Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music. 
      Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping. 
      For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.  
      And stand together, yet not too near together:  
      For the pillars of the temple stand apart,  
      And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.

Then we were married, exchanged the rings we had bought at the Stadtfest a month before, celebrated with champagne and let go our balloons outside. 

Mr and Mrs Salisbury!

With my lovely family

                                         

We gathered our family and closest friends and took them to our favorite restaurant where our friend and master chef Micu had prepared the most amazing turkish buffet for us. We laughed and feasted for several hours and then moved the party to our apartment. We changed into normal clothes, danced, ordered pizza, drank wine. Welcomed more friends. Had a blast. 

I had people tell me that this was the "funnest" wedding they had ever attended. That made me so happy because that's exactly what we wanted. A magical day. I am still grateful for everyone who came and made it so special. 

Luzys. Big Hot Love. 

Germans.

I have no idea what happened here. 

                                                                                   

Happy Anniversary to my wonderful husband! Our life together gets better every year and I'm looking forward to the next 88.

Thanks for reading :) 

Much Love,

me

Words to live by

                        

Facebook just reminded me that I posted this last year. I love this so much and try to follow it religiously. Emphasis on TRY. 

Dalai Lama’s 18 rules for living 

1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
2. When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.
3. Follow the three Rs: 
  1. Respect for self
  2. Respect for others
  3. Responsibility for all your actions.
4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
6. Don’t let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
7. When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
8. Spend some time alone every day.
9. Open your arms to change, but don’t let go of your values.
10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
11. Live a good, honourable life. Then when you get older and think back, you’ll be able to enjoy it a second time.
12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.
13. In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don’t bring up the past.
14. Share your knowledge. It’s a way to achieve immortality.
15. Be gentle with the earth.
16. Once a year, go someplace you’ve never been before.
17. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.
18. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

Much Love,

me

Wish Them Well

Spirits turned bitter by the poison of envy
Always angry and dissatisfied
Even the lost ones, the frightened and mean ones
Even the ones with a devil inside

Thank your stars you’re not that way
Turn your back and walk away
Don’t even pause and ask them why
Turn around and say goodbye

People who judge without a measure of mercy
All the victims who will never learn
Even the lost ones, you can only give up on
Even the ones who make you burn

The ones who’ve done you wrong
The ones who pretended to be so strong
The grudges you’ve held for so long
It’s not worth singing that same sad song

Even though you’re going through hell
Just keep on going
Let the demons dwell

Just wish them well

- Rush.